Teaching kids how to decide
By Caitriona Lynch
Last December I watched with envy the young parents as they did their shopping with comparative ease.
I remembered a time when, like them, I made all the decisions as regards my children’s clothes, their toys, what to eat, where to go and when.
Life was busy. Yes, everybody was hanging on to me, but at least I got to call the final shot.
With a bit of planning I managed to get things up and running and fitting around my timetable.
However there comes a time in every parent’s life when you have to let go of the reins and allow our children to start making their own decisions.
This can begin at a very early stage. Even when they’re still toddlers we can encourage them to decide things for themselves.
What toy would they like to play with?; what colour do they want to paint the sky?; would they like to wear the blue or the red socks?
This last is a limited choice and can be helpful when you’re introducing your child to the skill of making decisions.
Many of us have experienced already or heard of the classic clothes decisions children make, i.e. wearing sandals in winter and wooly jumpers in summer.
Clearly we would not be responsible parents if we allowed our young children to go out in heavy rain in only a T-shirt.
That aside, I must admit that I did not enjoy giving over responsibility in the clothing area because I felt their “bad” fashion decisions would reflect on me.
What if they wore something dirty, or old and torn? People would think I was a neglectful mother. No! Far better to keep all the responsibility, then they would always look clean, smart and, above all, matching.
They would be the living evidence of what an orderly, efficient and hygienic mother I was.
For too many years I lived with the illusion that my children were an extension of me and that people judged me on their behaviour.
If they were excellent in some area, I basked in the reflected glory. When they slipped up I hung my head in shame and chided myself on getting it so wrong.
We try to teach our children good decision-making skills because they, like us, have the gift of free will. They are individuals and we must see them as such.
We can try to inform them and guide them. But in the end we must remember that even though we share strong genetic and family bonds, we are not responsible for the decisions our children make.
We just love them through it all.
Last December I watched with envy the young parents as they did their shopping with comparative ease.
I remembered a time when, like them, I made all the decisions as regards my children’s clothes, their toys, what to eat, where to go and when.
Life was busy. Yes, everybody was hanging on to me, but at least I got to call the final shot.
With a bit of planning I managed to get things up and running and fitting around my timetable.
However there comes a time in every parent’s life when you have to let go of the reins and allow our children to start making their own decisions.
This can begin at a very early stage. Even when they’re still toddlers we can encourage them to decide things for themselves.
What toy would they like to play with?; what colour do they want to paint the sky?; would they like to wear the blue or the red socks?
This last is a limited choice and can be helpful when you’re introducing your child to the skill of making decisions.
Many of us have experienced already or heard of the classic clothes decisions children make, i.e. wearing sandals in winter and wooly jumpers in summer.
Clearly we would not be responsible parents if we allowed our young children to go out in heavy rain in only a T-shirt.
That aside, I must admit that I did not enjoy giving over responsibility in the clothing area because I felt their “bad” fashion decisions would reflect on me.
What if they wore something dirty, or old and torn? People would think I was a neglectful mother. No! Far better to keep all the responsibility, then they would always look clean, smart and, above all, matching.
They would be the living evidence of what an orderly, efficient and hygienic mother I was.
For too many years I lived with the illusion that my children were an extension of me and that people judged me on their behaviour.
If they were excellent in some area, I basked in the reflected glory. When they slipped up I hung my head in shame and chided myself on getting it so wrong.
We try to teach our children good decision-making skills because they, like us, have the gift of free will. They are individuals and we must see them as such.
We can try to inform them and guide them. But in the end we must remember that even though we share strong genetic and family bonds, we are not responsible for the decisions our children make.
We just love them through it all.
